Taxis in Amsterdam ? Think twice.

When people (=mostly friends and family members visiting the country) ask me about the eficiency of public transport, how to rent a bike, taxis etc. in the Netherlands they get very suprise about the following:

Can anyone believe I have never been into a taxi while living in the Netherlands ?
NEVER.

How's that possible ? Well, my father-in-law brings us to Schiphol airport when we go abroad. He's also there to collect us when we arrive in Dutch soil. When he also goes abroad with us and the rest of the family, we know someone with a mini-bus who will bring us to Schiphol charging a fair rate. For the rest, I will take a tram, a bus, a boat ("de Pont", for free) or ride my bike.

I am also disappointed/sick about the stories I have heard since my first day living here. For a shocking story (in Portuguese) from a fellow blogger in The Hague  read here (the taxi chauffer threatened them with an iron bar).For a full article in English click here while the link lasts. The title says all: Amsterdam taxis rank poorly in European test.
On the film below, an experienced Dutch chauffer gives a reasonable point of view. English subtitles.


Tips:
* If at all possible, avoid the Taxi Rank at Amsterdam Central Station (a taxi rank Amsterdammers refer to, without any subtlety, as the  "Gaza Strip"). If you do go there, look for a TCA taxi.
*You can also order a TCA taxi. In this case it may be best to have the taxi pick you up in front of the St. Nicholas Church — directly across from Central Station. To order a TCA taxi, call 020 – 777 7777 (7×7)
* If you are a tourist just bring nice comfy shoes and walk around. Amsterdam is a beautiful city, and most tourist attractions can be easily reached by tram.

Crazy Dutch Traffic Signs

Holland has traffic signs in EXCESS. I sometimes thinksthey even distract you form the traffic. But then there is ... ahhh, the Dutch creativity !  Above, somebody applied a sticker with  the Death on the board where you read: "dead end path".

Another interesting sticker which regularly appear somewhere in a road in theregion of Brabant. The locals consider it funny. The local mayor considers it the work of a vandal.  

 Some people even  plan and order their own private traffic signs. A farmer ordered this one above and place it along a road near his property. He has a deaf cat and on the sign one can literally read: crossing deaf cat !

And the explanation of this one above...   I have no clue. Any ideas, anyone ?

What should I do now ?

"A little kiss and you drive away". What ??? Well, you spot this nearby schools. The parents should give a quick kiss and drop their kids without parking the car. There are also "K+R" painted on the streets, which means: kiss & ride.

No comments...

Only in the Netherlands

When I comment with Dutch people that there is an excess of signs everywhere in the country they seem do not have a clue about what I am talking about. Please have a look at this one below and judge yourself.

What do you think the sign above means ? Choose only one option.

a) Attention, water. You may drown.

b) Attention, water. You may drown.

c) Attention, water. You may drown.

d) Attention, water. You may drown.

(Picture taken nearby a small pond in the Zaanse Schans)

The Cultural Shock... and the Backlash (post bilíngue)

Bilingual post, em português na segunda metade.  

Due to some discussions happening lately among other fellow bloggers living in the NL about the cultural shock, I decided to summarize here the phasis that someone arriving in a new country may go through. IF you are not planning to live abroad but you have friends of family members who have done that - then I recommend you to read it, anyway. As always, plese forgive my occasional mistakes in English - thanks !

1) Cultural shock on arrival to your new country. (Actually, the cultural shock can last years - and not only immeditely after you arrrival.) Basically, you do not understand precisely why people do the things the way they do. Why the toothpicks and matchsticks are different.  The sun is different and the air too. What the heck - even the barbecue is different: and may not have red meat at all ! Okay, being the conscious traveller you are probably you have already read the most important books in order to grasp some of the country's past history and become aware of cultural differences - but still... Then you build up a blog to share your surprises, revolt and contentment with other fellows. Pheeew ! You are not alone, taking part on the local blog community you see there are other people that also find absurd the way people react and things work (or do not work, depending the point of view or the country, haha !) in the adopted country.

And then after a while you start idealizing you home country (the same one that had some characteristics you were fed up about when you left f.o.r.e.v.e.r.) and start planning you vacations to see old places and friends. Aaaah, you just cannot wait until you step H.O.M.E. !

That's when probably your are going to experience...

2) A reverse cultural shock. This happens when after some years living in your adopted country you go for a vacation in your country of birth. Oddly, upon arrival, you find strange that certain things in your country of birth are the way they are. Yep, you enjoy lots of things, your favorite foods, the people - but things do not seem to have the same taste. You do not know how to explain that. Strangely, sometimes during your vacation in your home land you even miss certain things from your adopted country. How strange.

And then there is the third phasis:

3) A big crisis for realizing you do not really belonged to your previous country but still do not feel (maybe never will) at ease with your adopted one. Maybe you should look for thereapy - but believe me: blogging is cheaper though.

Below, a video featuring Titans - a Brazilian rock band from the 80's. It is called "No where".
Oldie but good.


I am not Brazilian
I am not a foreigner
I am not Brazilian
I am not a foreigner
I belong to nowhere
To nowhere I belong
I am not from São Paulo, neither Japanese
I am not a carioca, neither Portuguese
I am not from Brasília, neither from Brazil
No nation conceived me
I do not care about there
I do not care about here

In another video, Titans sing about the refusal of adapting into circumstances/routine and the world in general. Why do we have to fit in a scenario and fulfill others expectations ?


I do not fit in the clothes
I used to
I do not fill the house
with joy
Years have passed by
While I slept
And the one I loved
Forgot about me

Did I say
what nobody listened to ?
Did I listen to
what nobody said ?
I am not going to adapt myself
Adapt myself...

I do not have the face
I used to have
In the mirror this face
is not mine
When I realized it
I found it so strange
My beard
Was so big

Did I say
what nobody listened to ?
Did I listen to
what nobody said ?
I am not going to adapt myself
Adapt myself...

I am not !
(Going to) Adapt myself !
I am not going to adapt myself !
No way !
I am not going to adapt myself !
__________________________________________________________
Devido aos últimos posts que ando lendo em blogs de brasileiros que moram na Holanda (e de estrangeiors que foram viver no Brasil) eu decidi fazer um post psico-antropológico-sociológico dando um panorama do que se passa na cabeça de um expatriado. Mesmo que você não planeje ir morar no exterior, provavelmente tem um amigo/conhecio ou parente que já o fez - e por isso seja interessante dar uma lida nas fases que um estrangeiro passa.

1) Choque cultural. Você leva sustos diários (positivos ou negativos) por perceber como os interiores do prédios e táxis são, as estradas, a burocracia, o molho da salada, o palito de dente, o fósforo, o adubo, a água de beber, a paquera (ou a falta dela).  Até o que eles chamam de churrasco é diferente e pode até não ter carne vermelha !!! Com mil morcegos Batman !

2) Choque cultural ao reverso. A Beth do blog Noites em Claro já levantou esse tema há pouco. Ela está há 17 anos vivendo na Holanda e há 12 anos sem visitar o Brasil. Está cheia de expectativas de ver e  visitar coisas nessas férias. Não posso esperar para ela compartilhar as conclusões quando voltar.  Negócio seguinte: você está vivendo tranquilamente no seu país adotado, se livrou daquela bagunça e calor infernal do Brasil, mas anda pesando passar umas férias lá - afinal ninguém é de ferro, neam ? Vai ver coisas lindas, e comprar umas coisinhas que te faz falta (CD's ? alicate de cutícula ? Tesoura de cortar pelo do nariz ? feijão de verdade ? carne seca ? umas roupitchas de arrasar ? estocar cera depilatória para cinco anos ?), vai comer as coisas que gosta e visitar lugares bacanas. Aí... você descobre que o ator que achava bonito está uma pelanca só, virou gay ou engordou muitíssimo ou já morreu, nem existe mais CD pra comprar com essa banda que você gosta, as roupas não cabem pois os brasileiros são todos anões ou pré-adolescentes que vestem tamanho 36, a picanha está pela hora da morte, o alicate de cutícula é uma porcaria e... putz, até já quebrou a mola antes de você embarcar pra casa. E tem mais: ficar fazendo escova pra ficar toda na estica é C.A.F.O.N.A.A.A.A.... !

Isso te leva para a terceira fase...

3) Crise por estar entre duas culturas, sem pertencer exatamente a nenhuma delas. Você execrava coisas do Brasil quando vivia lá, mas ainda acha estranho no novo país chamarem de churrasco um frango mirrado no palito com molho de amendoim. Solução ? Vai relaxar vendo os vídeos do Titãs, Legião, Barão Vermelho ou banda que o valha ou vai relaxar blogando - custa beeem mais barato que fazer terapia. Eu não tô nem aí !

Dutch Duo Beautifies Slums in Rio

Since 2006, a Dutch artist duo named Haas & Hahn have been painting massive murals in Rio de Janeiro's most notorious slums. These are very poor and violent communities and the two artists had the help of the locals, in order to accomplish such projects.
An example below:

Is this a LSD trip or what ?

Cool !

The videos are in portuguese. I found great fun hearing the Dutch guys speaking portuguese, so recognizeable Dutch accent !

Crazy Creepy Angry Ugly Silent Young Men

After these news in Rio that made me cry for two days now I hear about what happened in Alphen aan de Rijn today. A blond young (24y. old)  man called Tristan van der Vlies killed 6 people and hurt 15 in a supermarket inside a shopping mall. He shot more than 100 times with an automatic gun. And then he killed himself. There are many parallels between these two stories - similar also to previous ones in the US.
Rio, Alphen aan de Rijn, Columbine...
Why so many young men hold such enormous anger, up to one day when they shoot at people and then kill themselves ?

Lack of Space: House Boats

Above and below: Amsterdam North.

Walking around in Amsterdam I could notice that the gardens of some house boats are already showing signs of spring. Yes, some house boats do have gardens. Actually they shoudn't be called houseboats (woonboten) for they are sustained by pillars and go nowhere.

I have been into house boats a couple of times. They vary from basic-basic to luxurious - almost a palace on the water, with all the comforts and facilities of an expensive house. After a while, you even forget that your are floating on water. Once, many years ago,  I visited a colleague who lived in such a house. The curtains were closed, we were talking and talking and then I saw the lamp hanging from the ceiling moving to the left... and moving to the right... I though about ghosts and told people in the room about it. They laughed: "We are on water, remember ?!"

Then I stood up and looked for the restroom. I had to hold on some of the furniture on my way to it.

But I think like everything else that is new for you in a house... you end up getting used to it.

Above: house boat located in one of the canals in A'dam.

Above: another house on the same location.

If you had the opportunity... would you like to live in a house boat ?
Maybe even during your vacations ?
Is it charming and cosy ?
Or scary ?

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Downistie

Finally, something very original has happened on the Dutch telly. The Dutch soap Downistie has been broadcasted within the talk show De Wereld Draait Door since the 11th March. It has caused some discussion and polemic among the Dutch audience and press. Each chapter lasts 3 minutes and all the 5 actors have the Down Syndrome. Lots of cheating, unplanned pregancies, secret affairs, jealousy, lies, a femme fatale, intense hapiness and tragic diseases: all the high and low moments of life are presented in Downistie.

Sara van Ketel (above) plays housewife and mom "Vicky".  Van Ketel: "I didn't have to do audictions, I simply can act. I just want to be famous. I have always wanted it. I am already a bit. In the supermarket or in the metro people ask me: "Were you on TV ?" And then I answer: "It is possible". (...)  I think it is great that I act only with other people with a handicap. They are all my friends.

Maybe other people think this is a crazy project, but I think it is quite normal. And we cannot do anything to change the fact that we have the Down Syndrome, right ? I suffer with bulliers, mostly kids, who scream on the street: "mongol !" But I do not scream anything back. (...)

I do not kiss during the footages. I think it is not appropriate. I only kiss my real boyfriend in my real life. I have already watched to some scenes on the telly. I am enourmously proud of myself."   (source: esta magazine, # 6, March 2011, page 80) 

Downistie is everyweek on the talk show De Wereld Draait Door, 19:30, VARA Nederland 3. A total of 12 episodes, each of 3 minutes, is planned.  Below, the first episode from 11th March.

A soap... and only with actors with the Down Syndrome. I see Downistie as good entertainment - a soap like any other soap. And I would like to hear what you think of that initiative. I have done some research on the net and I haven't found anything similar to this project in another part of the world. Do you think it helps to reduce the stygma ?  Thumbs up... or Down ? Would a smilar project be possible in your own land ?

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Round Structures, Amsterdam North

Somewhere in Amsterdam North, nearby Landsmeer and surrounded by water...

Such round buildings call the attention of passers-by. I think they are for elderly people, but I am not so sure. Cool or not ?  I guess you have a problem when trying to place shelves and/or a cupboard against the wall...

Odd, odder, the oddest. Do not ask me what this is, I can just speculate about it. It was not made for a living and it goes nowhere. Durig years and years it is just there, nearby the round structures pictured above,  moving around according to the wind direction.  It has no practical function and maybe it works as a decorative piece on the landscape. People on the bus stop nearby now and then talk about it and change impressions. Some people are deeply irritade about it, others are amused by such nonsense.

One thing is for sure: the birds find it pretty and enjoy it a lot !

Only in the Netherlands

Reading the Dutch papers on line today, I learned about a man who called the police because his wife has during years and years sexually assaulted him in the middle of the night. He was exhausted and "needed some sleep". He made a formal complaint about it and "two police agents were sent to talk to her". The couple has been married for 18 years and has two kids. The paper gave emphasis to the importance of talking about sexual violence against men at own homes - even if the victims were men in the hands of own spouses ("the last taboo").

The note was followed by hillarious comments from the readers:  "A bit strange story. Why talk to police agents ? She should go to a doctor due to hormonal inbalance, too much testosterone... Send me a photo of her: if she doesn't have a mustache I will treat her from being oversexed"/ "I have always dreamed about a cougar like that" / "The world is so unfair. I have to beg it to my wife every night" / "I know this sort of problem, my wife is also like that. But she has gotten two lovers now, who can take this heavy obligation out of my hands. Unfortunately, they are sometimes not enough." /  "Why only during the evenings ? Is she a kind of wolf or something like that ? It is okay when my wife wants to have it during the day. When she wants only during the evenings, I tell her: Hey ! A man has also to sleep..." / "Ah, she should just become a member of the local rugby or football club" / "This is a proof that headaches are just excuses."
_______________

**** Dutch men can be so light and cynical like no other ****

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The Come Back of "The Wheel Clip" in Amsterdam

Bilingual post English - Portuguese

If you are planning to rent a car while visiting Amsterdam, you should pay a lot of attention when parking your car. Once you do it in a forbiden zone, you run the risk of having one of the wheels locked with a wielklem: a wheel clip (see photo). The hated "yellow little monster" forces Amsterdam drivers to collect and pay a fine within 48 hours.

Banned in 2008 due to the excellent behaviour of the local drivers during the previous years, the wheel clip was re-introduced in 2009. In 2010 it was applied 462 times in cars irregularly parked - and most of them belonged to European foreigners visiting the city.  According to today's edition of the newspaper De Telegraaf almost 97% of all foreigners who received a fine last year travelled back to their country of origin withouth paying them. The Town Hall studies now together with the European Community some measures to oblige citizens from a list of ten countries to pay the fines for parking in forbidden areas.

I personally think a wheel clip to be extremely unpleasant and aggressive - but I do see a point in the decision of the Town Hall in re-applying it. It is already complicated to find a vacant place near your home when you live in Amsterdam. Garages and parking zones are rare or almost non-existent in certain areas in the city. I guess Amsterdam would become a chaos if everyone driving a car could park it wherever they whished to do so. And with a public transport system that is quick, frequent and cheap, why would you do tourism driving your own car ?
(Psst ! Check here how an irritated driver removed with a hammer the wheel clip from his car. A parking ticket would have cost him only 2 euros...).

Photo: De Telegraaf

Se você vai turistar em Amsterdam com carro alugado, muita atenção nos lugares probidos para estacionamento. Se você distraidamente estacionar em locais proibidos, arrisca-se a ter o carro presenteado com uma "trava de roda" (veja a foto). O tão odiado aparato amarelo impede que você circule até que a multa seja retirada. Banido em 2008 devido ao excelente comportamento dos motoristas locais, a trava de roda voltou a ser aplicado 103 vezes em 2009 em Amsterdam. E em 2010 fez-se 462 necessária. A razão ? Muitos estrangeiros retiravam a multa na delegacia e não pagavam ao retornarem aos seus países de origem. Segundo o jornal De Telegraaf de 25 de janeiro, mais de 97% dos estrangeiros não pagaram as multas. A prefeitura de Amsterdam estuda agora medidas junto a Comunidade Européia para obrigar os cidadãos de dez países (Polônia, Itália, Irlanda, Inglaterra, Áustria, Suíça, Dinamarca, Noruega, Suécia e Finlândia) a pagarem as multas. Até agora a obrigatoriedade da multa só tem sido eficiente na Bélgica e Alemanha.


Apesar de eu ser uma pessoa um pouco perdida no trânsito garanto que nunca recebi multa por estacionar em Amsterdam. Simplesmente porque me recuso a dirigir carro lá sozinha, no meio daqueles bondes e bicis todas. Só dirijo se marido estiver ao lado me dando uns toques/alarmes/broncas ("Aqui não da pois e' proibido, para do outro lado"; "Vamos dar mais umas voltas para achar local permitido..."). E meu marido só usa o carro para ir la aos domingos se queremos eventualmente dar umas voltas no Vondelpark, pois nesse dia o estacionamento e' gratuito em certas áreas perto o parque. Mas ele fica sempre de olho bem atento pra não ganhar de presente uma trava ("o monstrengo amarelo" segundos os moradores de Amsterdam).


Eu acho bem desagradável essa medida do bloqueio da roda. Mas vamos e venhamos: a cidade seria um caos completo se todos motoristas pudessem estacionar onde bem entendessem, concordam ? Lembrem-se que os prédios na cidade não tem garagem, e os próprios moradores estacionam ao ar livre e tem geralmente uma certa dificuldade para estacionar perto de casa. Em Amsterdam transporte fácil e eficiente e' transporte público.

(Beeem diferente do Brasil, né gente ?)

Psst ! Assista aqui como um motorista irritado retirou um monstro amarelo da roda do seu carro utilizando apenas um martelo. Eu prefiro prontamente comprar um bilhete de estacionamento por apenas 2 euros...

Randoms

* Sometimes, just sometimes...
I think it is indeed scary I live below the sea level...
 ... and in the only country that expands every year.

* I stock a reasonable quantity of canned food in the attic...
... just in case.

* This makes me think...
... I have to stock some toilet paper too.

* Funny that my children dream in Dutch...
 ... and weird that I have already done that as well.

* I have been in Amsterdam today...
 ... and I was filmed 13 times;
I have read 3 free newspapers while in the buses;
4 people bumped into me;
3 of them said sorry;
all of them were male;
I have photographed 6 people without them noticing;
I spoke 4 languages within 5 hours;
I didn't speak English at all.

Diving into the New Year (Lavando o Ano Velho)

Bilingual Post, English - Portuguese

Unox girl 2009/2010: Luca-Prins. Photo: Martijn Mooi.

A new Dutch tradition: diving into cold waters during the 1st of January in order to welcome the new year. 28 thousand people have done that on the 01/01/2011, diving into beaches, canals and lakes in more than 100 spots around the country.

The most important event happens in Scheveningen (near to The Hague) and is sponsored by Unox company, a soups and sausages producer. The company distributes hoods, provides hot soup to participants and hires photographers to click potential "Unox girls" each year. In 2009 the elected was teenager Luca-Prins (17y.) who quickly got some popularity - but gave up her career of a model and advertising sausages. Unox girl 2010 is Marlou Bakker, 17 years and - differently from Luca-Prins - no vegetarian.  

Such tradition of diving in icy cold waters is not old. Reading the papers I discovered it was started in 1920 in Vancouver, Canada. In Holland it started in 1960 - and it has been sponsored by Unox in Scheveningen since 1987. In Canada 2thousand people still celebratee yearly the event (in Holland it is estimated about 28 thousand divers - and the numbers are growing).

The popularity of such big event has intrigued anthropologists and those interested in popular culture. One may guess that diving among unknown people would give the experience of feeling like just one body - one nation. I guess the colective diving gives you the strength to face the adversity (the cold waters) with open arms, washing out the old vibrations and embracing the new vibes. It would work like a ritual, maybe ?  And I observe the Dutch like to think about themselves as "tenacious", "assertive", "sportive". During a cold and dark winter day amusement is created with lights, candles, music and hot food/drinks. This diving (and the pre and post celebrations during the day) serves as a symbol and image of the Dutch people, I guess.  

Several embassies around the world organize such divings as well. The general impression of foreigners interviewed by the Dutch press (and acquaintaces I have asked about) declared to consider such New Year's Diving something "very peculiar", "a histeric mass celebration" and "out of reality". The participants on the video below consider such diving "lekker", "heerlijk" and a "fris begin" (delicious, very delicious and "a fresh beginning"). Of course.

****************************
Maluquice de holandês: um mergulho em águas geladas no dia 1 de janeiro para lavar as más vibrações do ano velho. E não vão tiritando de frio não! Mergulham com muita alegria num mar gelado. Esse ano todos os recordes foram batidos: mais de 28 mil pessoas mergulharam em praias, canais e lagos em mais de uma centena de pontos no país.


O maior evento acontece em Scheveningen (próximo a Haia) e é patrocinado pela empresa Unox, que fabrica sopas e salsichas. A empresa distribui gorros e sopa gratuitamente e contrata fotógrafos para descobrir “a garota Unox” de cada ano. Em 2009 foi a adolescente (17) Luca-Prins, que se tornou famosa da noite para o dia – mas dispensou a carreira de modelo de sopas e salsichas. Esse ano a favorita do fotografo foi  Marlou Bakker, também de 17 anos. Mas, diferentemente de Luca, Marlou não e' vegetariana e adora sopa de ervilhas com salsicha defumada.


A tradição de mergulhar em águas geladas não é antiga, começou em 1920 em Vancouver, no Canadá. Na Holanda, surgiu em 1960, e é patrocinada pela Unox desde 1987. No Canadá cerca de duas mil pessoas ainda participam do evento até hoje, e na Holanda estima-se quase trinta mil.


A popularidade do evento vem intrigando a cada ano antropólogos e estudiosos de cultura popular. A conclusão dos académicos é que os holandeses ao mergulharem com milhares de desconhecidos sentem-se como um só corpo, uma só nação. Assim, o mergulho coletivo oferece uma ideia de enfrentamento das adversidades de peito aberto, e lavagem do antigo – num ritual de renovação. No meio de um dia frio e escuro de inverno, diversão é criada com luzes, musica e comida. O mergulho serve como um símbolo e imagem do povo holandês.


Diversas embaixadas holandesas ao redor do mundo organizam também esse mergulho. Alguns estrangeiros entrevistados pela imprensa holandesa declararam achar o mergulho de ano novo “peculiar”, “histérico” e “fora da realidade”. Os participantes no video acima consideram tal mergulho "delicioso" e um "começo fresco do ano novo".

Unox girl 2010/2011: Marlou Bakker. Photo: Harold Versteeg

UFO

It is Angels Time !

I guess every mother has heard a couple of stories from her kids which are related to "invisible little friends". I do too - and that was much before my kids start attending a Christian basic school. Once I was in my bed playing with my girl - who was holding my hands and jumping and laughing. I said: "We two are having a lot of fun !" And she said: "Yes, we three !" And looked to her side and didn't want to add anything else. Another time I was wearing a gold medal with a cherubim on it. My son asked: "Who is this ?", "A little angel" I replied. He kept asking: "Ahn ? A child ? With wings ?". I said: "Yes. They fly !". To what he answered "Oooh, now I see ! Those who come from the roof down us via the ceiling, right ?". I fainted a bit. Anyway, let's have some fun with angels stories - from a different perspective, shall we ?   I have always been a huge fan of Erich von Daniken (my father had some of his books) and it is a joy to see how enthusisastic he still is about all ancient astronauts theories.

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A Dutch Restroom

For a long time I have considered writing about the differences of Dutch restrooms and a Brazilian ones.

This is the restroom (powder room) at my Dutch house, located on the ground floor. It has some particularities that serve as a rule for most Dutch restrooms:

* The sink is always tiny and there is no warm water. You might think it is like those we see at the dentist's office. Usually when I have kids visiting us and they wash their hands, a good area of the floor becomes wet. I mean, if kids with little hands have problems using such a tiny sink, you can imagine how much practice it demands. I have been in bigger homes than mine and the sinks at the restroom remain always very small.

* No windows in the Dutch restrooms. Some have a ventilation system activated when you turn the light on. No windows in a restroom is unthinkable for Brazilians. But when you consider the fact that Holland is a cold land - it starts to make some sense, doesn't it ?

* Decoration. There is always at least one of the following items:
- a candle;
- a sachet with dry flowers/lavender/ or scents such as "caramel", "vanille", "the sea" (!);
- a calender (ugh!) with the birthdays and holidays marked on it. This is actually a mandatory item in a Dutch restroom, once the Dutch are especially obsessed with birthdays. Two mothers at my kids school were shocked to know about my aversion to calenders in the restroom.
- shells or a an artificial plant;
- photos from the kids, family and friends;
- artwork from the kids.

* The mirror - if there is one - is tiny. I prefer it big, and I have at the moment two in the restroom.
A tiny sink, a tiny mirror, a tiny candle, a tiny soap and a tiny towel.
This is what makes a Dutch sphere.

* There are always toilet brushes in the Dutch restrooms. You do not use it when it is cleaning day, it stays permanently parked there. It can be quite a special design thing. Have a look at the one I have in my bathroom:

* Now... something you will NEVER find in a Dutch restroom: a butt hose. I have bought mine in Brazil and had it installed near my Dutch toilet downstairs. (Yes, some relatives/friends raised one eyebrow - or two - when they spotted it for the first time). Great to wash the kids after they use the toilet but also useful if you have to clean sand off their feet before they enter the house. The downside is... it is neglected during the winter months. There is no possibility around here of having warm water in the restroom downstairs (only in the bathrooms upstairs). Have a look below:

Check what I mean with the wonders of a butt hose reading this hilarious post.

Why Oh Why ?

Fact #1: I think the Dutch people are polite.
I really do. Not sweet and nice like Brazilians - that would be too much to ask to other civilised nationalities. But the Dutch are correct when dealing with customers, for example. Not rude-  and not over considerate either. Normal. Civilised.

Fact #2: I live in the NL for more than ten years.
I have get used to the Dutch way.

So why-oh-why...  do I still get annoyed/a bit sad when I am confronted with the way they  - sometimes - say things ? Like... lecturing on me.

Example number 1:
Yesterday was a windy, cold afternoon and I left home (withouth wearing a scarf) to pick up my little girl.
I couldn't bare waiting at the school patio - too cold for my neck and hands. I decided to go inside to use the restroom and then peak inside my daughter's school box situated on the corridor. Maybe there was art work to be taken home, maybe her "friends book" was back, maybe it was time to check the situation of her gym clothes ... And then the teacher left the room hand in hand with two kids - and a line of kids behind her. The teacher was actually giving one hand to my daughter, but as soon as she (the teacher) saw me she looked to the other side ignoring me and went to the patio. I mentioned my girl's name to grab her attention.
Nothing.
When I was at the patio I mentioned to the teacher and my girl, smiling: "Hey, haven't you ladies seen or heard me ?"  To what the teacher replies, irritated: "Kids are expecting the parents to be outside. It is rather interesting when she can find you outside. OUTSIDE !"
(Moral of the history: the protocol here goes above any common sense or exception.)

Example number 2:
I am going to a gym since the beginning of this year. Three times a week, fitness and on the weekends, Pilates. I love the place, the location, the friendliness of the owners and all coaches/receptionists. I am punctual and I respect their rules. I clean the machines after using them. Since my first day there I was told that when going to the fitness room I have to use (fitness) shoes and not sport shoes I regularly use outside on the streets. I 100% agree with that.  So I go inside the gym, greet the receptionist, insert my card in the machine, grab a heart measurer and go to the girls' room to wear the correct shoes and dress me on.

So far so good.

Up to one day.

I come in and notice that near the entrance door there is a rack with some shoes on it. "Maybe it is for the coaches", I thought. I do my normal ritual, greeting the receptionist, inserting my card, asking her a heart measurer and addressing myself to the ladies room. I go to my Pilates lesson. When the lesson is over the receptionist approaches me, with hands on her hips and a serious face. She addresses me in a rispid and loud tone of voice:

- Anna.
- Me.
- It is not allowed to enter the fitness wearing the same shoes you were wearing when outside.
- I know. I have had these on especially for the lesson.
- I mean, it is not allowed to enter ANY dependencies of the fitness. You have put your shoes on when you were in the ladies room. You have to wear them immediately after crossing the entrance door. It is a new rule. It is on the newsletter. Maybe you should check our site more regularly ? There is a new rack near the entrance door. Haven't you seen it ?
- Oh. I thought it was for the receptionists, maybe.
- No. It is for EVERYONE.
- Sorry. Nobody had told me. And I have been away for some days. BTW... why are there still racks for the shoes in the ladies room ?
(puzzled face):
- Ahn... to place the bags, for example. But ONLY the bags... Understood ?
- Okay.
- Good.

I strive for being an excellent client. I greet everyone, receptionists and other fellows. I have a little towel for my hands to avoid my sweat dropping all around and spreading bacteria and lethal infections. I am punctual. I clean the machines after using them. I am economical with the absorbent paper. I use only two squares of it. And I spray on it only twice. Two squares of paper and just two sprays of the cleaning product - exactly as three warning papers glued on the wall tell me to do. I have the most expensive membership (an "all-in card"). But maybe I am too naughty - cause I once walked two meters from the entrance door to the ladies rooms wearing my infected Italian leather shoes. Somebody had to put me on the right track.

Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

A Dutch Exposure (brag, brag, brag...)

I have said it here before: the Dutch are a very private people.

However, they do like to shout out to the world some personal achievements, such as turning 50 years old, passing exams / a new school year, having a baby...

I had no idea my neighbour's name was Magda - or that she had completed the New York Marathon. Now I know it and have to see it everyday from my kitchen window for over a week:

Hey Marga, why don't you hang it on your living room wall ?

You know you have been in Holland for too long when... (II part)

46. You know that kapsalon is not a typical turkish dish, but a hairdresser
47. You start to think that the strange position of the hole in the WC is not that disgusting (it is.)
48. You find it easier to find a good joint than a good coffee
49. You have the AH bonus card (you bet I do)
50. Your windows have no curtains, and you don't care (they do have, I just never use them)

51. If your windows have curtains, you don't use them, and just don't care who might be looking at you (see what I mean ?)
52. For you, light rain is not rain (Light rain IS rain - I am Brazilian, I am made of sugar)
53. Professors write a "well done" comment in your assignment and still grade you with a 6
54. You can drink beer in the cinema (Yeaahhh)
55. 10°C is warm enough to wear a short or mini skirt (I do not wear that since I have become a mother)

56. You can ride your bike in the rain, wind and even snow. (and without hands) 
57. Guys are very cute (I miss seeing a South European five o'clock shadow now and then...)
58. You can ride your bike wearing skirt - if you're a girl, a suit or even high heels -if you're a girl. (heels: check)
59. When you start having strong opinion even if you vaguely know the topic. (I used to be like that in Brazil as well)
60. When you "wash" the dishes with soap without rincing them (Well, I have a dishwasher. And if I have to hand wash dishes I always rince them)

61. "Alstublieft" and "dank u wel" are the only dutch words you know. (I also know "goedemorgen" among others)
62. You aren't surprised anymore that the disco closes at 4 - but it still pisses you off.
63. You learn to bike without using your hands on the handle (check #56)
64. You go to the market and you only buy the stuffs that fit in you bike basket (true, hahahaha!)
65. Riding a bike and driking coffee/smoking/eating lunch at the same time is not a problem any more

66. You reformulate the saying "if you drink, don't drive" by "if you drink, don't ride" (I always tell this to my husband... he laughs)
67. You've been asked where the coffeeshop is (several times)
68. You start wearing orange during soccer events, even when you're not Dutch (no!)
69. You get used not to use napkins when eating. You just eat dirtily. (I always have my own ones) 
70. You know what GVD stands for

71. You can never predict the weather and can not believe the weather forecast anymore
72. You wait for the light to go green before crossing the street, even if there is no car (I am a well trained expat)
73. You sometimes eat only with a spoon (are you kidding me ? no way !)
74. You tried fried fish from the caravans at least once (Once ? Many times!)
75. You clap the lecturer just because he's been speaking for 2 hours
76. You run to Albert Heijn at 21.55 to get some beer for the party that night
77. Trees planted in straight rows - aka the forest - seems normal  (no, it is not normal; it is a Dutch forest)
78. You think you understand why they don't serve coffee at coffeeshops (but I'm not sure yet)
79. You steal a bike at the station because the night before someone stole yours - HAHAHAH!
80. You think it is okay to eat multicoloured sprinkels on bread for breakfast (no. Argh!)
81. You use 9292ov.nl to go to the supermarket (sometimes)
82. You know that the wind blows in your face regardless of the direction in which you are biking (always)
83. You don't even try to park in an unauthorised area just to 'pick something up in 5min', because you know you will get a ticket in 30seconds (I can talk by experience)
84. When you move out of your appartment, you know you might have to take the floors with you

85. Stepping in doggiepoo on the sideawalk becomes almost a daily thing.
86. You end up eating super greasy food at 5am at FEBO or ALEV
87. And after that, you manage to bike home still completely wasted and go to work/class at 8:00
88. You need an appointement to talk with your friends. Or your mother. (No way - mine is Brazilian thus... 24hday 7/7 available)
89. You enjoy making tourists jump off the bike path (I loooove it !)

90. You paid more for the lock of your bike than for the bike itselft (Oh My, the harsh reality!)
91. Real bread? You've made your peace with it. It doesn't exist. (I got used to brown sliced ones)
92. You know that the Netherlands doesn't have a special dish. They just fry everything. (or overcook everything)
93. You know getting a couch will be difficult because it doesn't fit through the door. (Windows maybe?)
94. You're ok spending Queen's Day in the train because people are walking on the rails

95. You pay for ketchup at the fast food and think it's normal (I do not consumme that)
96. Kroket, Frikandel, Frietjes met (of zonder mayo) are your normal on your food vocabulary (no!)
97. You know at least 1 guy called Jaap, Joost, Joop or Jeroen (1?)
98. You take your own plastic bag to the supermarket ("It is good for the environment")
99. "Lekker", "leuk", "gezellig", "mooi" and "lekker weer" are expressions that are also on your vocabulary (they are mandatory once the Dutch would get confused if I preferred to elaborate on that)
100. When you cry once you have to go back to your homeland. (serious ?)

You know you have been in the NL for too long when...

My comments are in between parentheses.

1. You have a bike. (I have actually 2)
2. You even know how to brake using retropedaling. (I don't)
3. Walking from your faculty to the cafeteria has become unimaginable. You take your bike, even if it's for 50meters. (Even if is for 25 meters)

4. Eating 7 slides of bread for lunch doesn't scare you anymore. (Oh yes, it does !)
5. By the way, you stopped eating warm lunch. You just eat bread. (NO way !)
6. You know what a kroket is, and you learned to avoid the orange ones. (What's wrong with orange ?)
7. It doesn't surprise you anymore to eat at 18:30. (I think it's a healthy time)
8. You drink beer. (Among other things...)
9. You got used to trance and electro music. (I don't think so...)
10. You don't cheat on the train, because controllers are EVERYWHERE. (I have learned my lesson)

11. When the cafeteria is crowed, you line up neately with the others. (ALWAYS)  
12. You used to use cash all the time, but now you have a pin card. (Of course)
13. You think ducks are cute. (Veeeery cute !)
14. As soon as the sun pops out, you make a barbecue, even if it's 10°C outside. (If it's dry, yep !)
15. You think 15°C is warm (C'mon !)
16. You know winter stops in May, and not March as everywhere else. (A-hem !)
17. You don't remember what a moutain looks like. (Umm... I think I still do.)
18. You still don't know how to speak Dutch. But your English has improved. (It is always improving)
19. You know what Surinam is. And where it is. (Maybe bordering Belize ? Bangladesh ?  Brazil ?)

20. You never go out without your bike lights. (Otherwise I get a 60 euro fine, damned !)
21. You think butter in a bottle is normal. (Isn't it ?)
22. You've been to a flower park, and thought it was cool. (It was)
23. You're ok with having only one flavour of ice cream : the white ones. (Sooo sad!)
24. You don't even bother to ask "do you speak English?", you just speak English right away. (Actually I am ashamed of doing that. Really, some Dutch people can't English).
25. When you go to the cinema, you are ok with being told where to sit.
26. And you wouldn't dare sit anywhere else. (Humpf.)
27. You have finally accepted the fact that Gouda is cheese. (and a very good one)
28. Paying 6€ for a meal in the cafeteria seems normal.
29. You know how to repair a bike. (no)

30. You eat potatoes at least once a day. (Hahaha!)
31. You always check the weather before leaving home. (the day before, actually) 
32. You know what it is being late and having to wait for a boat to cross the bridge. (you tell me...)
33. You can drink milk at any time of the day. (ugh!)
34. Sometimes, you only drink milk as lunch. (no, no, no !)
35. You have tried karnemelk at least once. (a long time ago... does it count ?)
36. You start liking dropjes. (they taste to plastic and insects. No thanks.)
37. For you something sweet means stroopwaffels.

40. Spring means flowers blooming and construction sites opening up all over the place.
41. Being tall gets a new meaning. (I used to be considered relatively tall in Brazil. Don't laugh - I'm not kidding)
42. Blonde is back to being a hair-color, not a concept. (check) 
43. you have 4 seasons in one day. (check)
44. you can start a mail to your teacher who happens to be a doctor by "yo, wassup doc". (exaggeration. I can get the message though)
45. You think that paying to use the toilets is normal. (up to 50 cents - it's ok)

I have seen these remarks above in Cuca's blog - who in her turn has seen in someone elses'.
If you are a foreigner living in Holland please feel free to comment/agree/disagree on the remarks above !

(to be continued...)